Trade Your Blurred Lines for Boundaries
Why are boundaries so important but so hard to set? At some point in our early lives we realized that the universe does not revolve around us. We learned to bend, share, accommodate, and compromise. Although not much may have changed in the world around us through this realization, our perception of ourselves shifted. Suddenly, our willingness to put others' needs before our own gained us friendships and lovers... acceptance, approval. People thanked us. We felt valued. So we continued to bend.
When it comes time to stop bending, however, what makes saying "no" so hard?
Why does fully asking for what we need feel like guilt? Because the"yes" that we grew so accustomed to using gave us so much perceived value before, so we are afraid that the "no's" will loose it all.
Don't fool yourself! Always bending is not sustainable and has some very negative effects on our mental health. If we refuse to draw healthy boundaries, we begin to experience feelings of depletion, uncertainty, disconnection, and anxiety. When you stop trying to be everything for everyone...you begin to build the container to hold yourself up in, protect your highest energy, stand on solid ground and say "this is me."
If we don't personally draw a boundary when we should, we can actually feel it in our body. It's an ache in the chest and tightness in the throat. It just doesn't feel right. We feel obligated, responsible, and like we're a bad person...but why let these fear-based emotions guide our decision making? Where is the empowerment?
As soon as we speak our truth with crystal clarity, we are choosing to actively follow our dreams, live our best life, love ourselves more fully, and in turn love the world more fully.
Here is an action plan you can take to start creating healthy boundaries in your life:
1. Change the way you think about BOUNDARIES altogether! If you are viewing them as mean, selfish, or crazy... create an affirmation that reminds you of what they really are... self-love, courageous, empowering.
2. Confidently express yourself. Many times we don't even realize that we are ending our sentences with phrases like, "you know?," "I don't know," or in an up tone. All these things are versions of uncertainty and requests for approval from others. A great way to draw a boundary is to state your opinion proudly, clearly, and truthfully.
3. Another thing I love to do if I am ever in doubt of whether I'm doing a good job at having healthy boundaries is to ask myself this question, "Am I doing this because I feel OBLIGATED, RESPONSIBLE, OR BAD?" If the answer is yes, you should pause and reassess before moving forward (or just say don't do it at all). Let your decisions be led from a place of strength, courage, and personal truth instead.
I know you can do this. If you need support with finding your inner power by creating healthy boundaries, and you have the will and commitment to get there, I am here to help.